dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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