summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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