Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
