I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
