dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
