Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
