I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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