it's too hot outside to masturbate.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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