i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
