I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
