I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
