There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
