this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hippo gnu deer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
