Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
