please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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