I hope mine doesn't look like that
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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