it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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