We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
