I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
