Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
