Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
