last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
