guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
