Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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