i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
