Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he wants to bone in the snuggie
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
