lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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