I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
