My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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