Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
