The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
