My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
