Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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