my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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