My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
