I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
