My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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