On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
