Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
