She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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