The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
