How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me i tasted like america
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
