Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
