haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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