Reggie can tackle my bush.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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