My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
