you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
