it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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