she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
