roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
