How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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